I actually planned to only write this post on my next birthday, but I cancelled and decided to write it now because we never know what will happen tomorrow and I believe that when an urge to write about something appears in your mind, you don’t block it. You write it out. So here goes the thought that occurred as I was brushing my hair this morning:
P.S. This isn’t a biography. Or it is if you think it is. To me, it is a confession of a blessed heart. It’s a pretty long read, by the way.
I was born into a wonderful family. An awesome one, I’d say. My Mom and Dad may not be the richest people on Earth, but they have worked very hard every single day to provide me and my sisters with everything that we needed. Good home, good food, good clothing, good education and most of all, great love. Their patience and perseverance have always left me in awe. My family is definitely the best thing that has happened in my life. I have two sisters who could be annoying once in a while without trying, but deep down if given the choice, I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else as my sisters.
From Kindergarten up to High School, I have never had a fixed best friend. I used to think that I had this curse where I could never have the same best friend for longer than two years. When I was in Kindergarten I had this one best friend who moved away when we got to Elementary 1 and we lost contact ever since. Same thing happened with my Elementary best friend. Although she didn’t move away, we just got distant. High school went passing by and still, the best friend thing didn’t seem to work out very well with me. Then come college and I finally understand the reason why it wasn’t a curse, it was just a way of the universe saying that I had not met my best friend for life yet. In 2012, I moved from my lovely home in Indonesia to a small condominium in the capital of Malaysia with two of my high school friends, one of their cousins and a stranger that soon became a friend. There, I had to share a bedroom with one of my high school friends. We weren’t that close before, but as time passed by, being roommates, we eventually got closer and she became the only person that I could tell everything to without worrying that I would be judged. My fear, my disappointment, my embarrassing experiences, my silly crushes, my heartbreaks. We’d go about our own life during the day, she her interior design classes and I my fashion merchandising classes. We’d then come back to our condominium at night and told each other about the things that happened that day. We fought, sometimes for useless matters. Quite often but it never got to the next day. Most of the time, it disappeared just like that in less than two hours and we would be back to normal. Yes, there were times when my anxiety would creep back in and make me think all the nasty things about the curse I had with best friends. There were times when I would get so convinced that this friendship was ending very soon just like all the previous ones. But perhaps, it was these thoughts that taught me that in life, when things don’t go well, you don’t leave, you fix it. I am somewhere in Australia as I am typing and she is somewhere in Singapore probably still asleep. I have no idea where we’d be in the next five to ten years, but I genuinely hope that we’d still be best friends by then. I think I have never told her this before, but I am grateful to have met her.
I thought I’d never be able to fit in with my classmates when I first got to my college in KL. Not because I think I’m all that special, but because somehow I am a pretty introverted person at the beginning of every relationship. It’s a rare occurrence for me to strike a conversation first. On top of that, I know I am not the person that people would be interested to be friends with at first. So I assumed that for the next two years of college, it would just be coming to lectures on time, listening to the lecturers talk alone and leaving the classes as soon as they were done. However, I forgot how it happened exactly, but two years went by and in the process, I have met a bunch of incredible friends who never failed to make me feel. Every time I met them, I felt genuinely happy and blessed. Sometimes, I felt furious but at the same time grateful because they taught me how to be patient. Once in a while, I felt disappointed. Disappointed that they were not the way I had expected them to be. But then through them, I learnt that in life, not everyone is going to be the way you want them to be. In fact, no one is ever going to be like that. People are different in their own special way and what we can do as fellow human being, is to accept them for who they are. Unconditionally. Though often, this is very hard to achieve, for me at least.
Fast forward to a few years later, I am where I am right now and have a new roommate. My new roommate has a best friend who sleeps over quite often. Though I was not as welcoming at first, I slowly began to realize that life is all about sharing. They were so different from the housemates I had before. They were untidy, loud and playful. But they were also some of the nicest, most non-judgemental and funniest people I’ve met in life. Though I know in the next five months, there will be moments when I would flip because one of them forgot to wash the dishes or one of them slept on my bed, I am still very happy to have had them as my housemates instead of someone else.
As I grew up, I became exposed to the cruel yet beautiful world called ‘love’. I had plenty of crushes along the way. Some I forgot in a blink of an eye, a few I couldn’t even take off my mind for a minute. I got my heart broken by some of the people I trusted most. I got it crushed by the person I put my highest hope on. And though I would love to be able to say that it was all their faults, I couldn’t. Because being hurt once is a naivety, being hurt twice by the same person is stupidity. I blamed myself for all the misery, but also, I would like to applaud myself for having not given up on love because of them. The same way my best friend appeared, I believe that the right person will come one day, at the right time in the right place.
To my recent crush, I’d like to thank you for making me see what a true gentleman is. I have fallen in love with far too many douchebags that I nearly forgot that good guys existed until you appeared. Though I know for well that things may never go further than now for us two, I still would like to thank you for letting me see what kind of person I want to have as my partner for life. Someone who respects and treats everyone equally. Someone who listens and pays attention to everything I say. Someone who smiles and responds to me when no one else would.
To the world, I’d like to thank you for having me. I hope I can still stay and continue to better myself so that in the process, I can help contribute in bettering others. I know I am not the kindest or the wisest person. I screw up a lot in life. I break people’s hearts as well. And I talked back to my parents too. I still do sometimes. But I am finally beginning to see the beauty of this life and as I am writing this, apart from feeling blessed, I feel terrified. Because this sounds a lot like I am saying my last words, but I have to write this because I don’t want to lose the chance to show people how great life can be if we try to see it from lots of different views. Not just up or down, right or left, try 45 degree or 180 degree. Or even from the northeast point of view. It’s different and it can be breathtaking.